“Young Man, Watch Your Mouth!”

At some point in our youth we have all heard that command. We might have got a tongue lashing with it because we had disrespected an elder through “back talk” but most likely because we had the nerve or at the time, what we believed was the moxie, to utter some profanity or to swear. When I finally grew up enough to realize I wasn’t the big shot I thought I was I came to the realization that the language I used was a direct reflection of my character. The word “character” is one of those unique English language words that can be a noun, a verb or an adjective. For today’s discussion we are going to work with it as a noun and I like the Merriam Webster definition of character which is “one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual.” Your character makes you different and unique from every other person.

My first real recollection of using foul language was when I was probably 5 or 6 years old. My Dad had an uncle who constantly used the phrase, “son of a ***”. Maybe not profanity but it was, at least at the time, considered foul language. It didn’t make any difference who or what this man was talking about, it was a son of ***.” Like a lot of people who swear non-stop I think this phrase just became part of his language – he didn’t even realize how many times he said it. Well, I happened to like my dad’s uncle and figured if it was good enough for him then I should be able to use that phrase whenever I wanted so I tried it out privately a few times and then decided to have a public revealing of my newly acquired expletive. Oh boy was that a huge miscalculation. Most of you are too young to remember the days when it was OK to wash out a foul mouthed, or back talking kids’ mouth with soap. I happened to be at my grandparents house when this all happened, specifically my grandfather who was the diesel mechanic. Because he was always trying to get the grease and oil off his hands he used a particularly strong bar soap called “Lava.” It was so strong you could smell it when you walked into Grandpas bathroom and on top of everything else it contained little bits of pumice, thus the name “Lava.” I can still taste it and feel the pumice grit grinding between my teeth. As my dad scrubbed my teeth and made sure I got a mouth full of soap I quickly came to the realization that maybe my dads uncle wasn’t such a cool guy and I wasn’t grown up enough to use bad language. Please remember I said “grown up enough” because it is a hint that I didn’t learn my lesson very well.

Looking back on my adolescent, teen and early adult years I did remember the Lava soap lesson but I still let my self-importance and what is now called a “fear of missing out” get in the way of what I knew was “good behavior.” The timely deployment of an “f bomb” or the calculated placement of the Lord’s name used in vain, throwing a little caution to the wind by stringing together a few choice profane adjectives or an under the breath utterance of the “s” word – now that showed machismo, maturity and power. I didn’t want to be viewed as a “prude.” Hey, I was one of the boys. Wrong again! All it really showed was a lack of respect for whoever I was interacting with, a total disregard for God and a huge gash in my character. On top of all those negatives, believe it or not, girls payed attention to those sorts of things and our indiscriminate cussing was viewed as crude, rude and boorish. Besides, had my dad ever heard me disrespect a woman through my use of foul language I am quite sure he would have found a bar of Lava somewhere and regardless of the time, location or my age he would have shoved that thing in my mouth.

So where am I going with all of this? The general widespread use of profane or vulgar language and swearing in todays culture is just one of the new dynamics that give me pause to be concerned about where we are headed. There seem to be few if any barriers anymore. The demise of those barriers parallel the loss of moral and ethical behavior we see in today’s society. Not many years ago dropping an f bomb on TV would have been a national calamity – not so much any more. Oh sure, it will get some notice by the media but will mostly be laughed off as a little slip – no big deal. If a politician used profanity as a tool during a campaign he or she was frowned on as uncivilized and unelectable – again not so much any more. I have had a twitter account for several years but very rarely tweet because quite frankly I think it is a waste of time and due to a lack of “followers” (for good reason) my tweeting would be nothing more than a few words that would disappear into thin air, never to be recalled again. You know, the old thing about if a tree falls in the forest with no one around to hear, did it make a sound? None-the-less, a couple of weeks ago a Twitter notice popped up in my email about a comment made by a member of the Colorado legislature. Commenting to her “followers” her tweet was, “if you were on the fence about voting this year I am going to need you to get the “f***” off.” It lit a flame in me and I decided to reply. All I said was, “Representative X”, language is a true reflection of character and your use of profanity in your tweet has exposed yours. Thank you for revealing who you truly are.” Ya I know, maybe a little harsh and judgmental but it was how I was feeling at the time. Well, to my great surprise there were other people listening in on the conversation because I was suddenly lambasted with criticism. I was labeled as an “old white man” (which I am), a misogynist, which I certainly am not, and a bunch of other things that don’t deserve mention. Wow, I didn’t know I was so important! All in defense of an elected officials right to use an “F bomb” and cancelling my right to comment about it. Again – please see the definition of character.

I told you from the beginning of this blog I would attempt to scrub my thoughts with Biblical truths. The truth is, in the research I have done, nowhere in The Bible is the use of profanity explicitly banned. There are several places in The Bible that do talk about the importance of the words you use. In Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) it says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Focus on the Family asks us to consider several questions about the use of profanity. They were speaking specifically about the use of the f-word but three of the questions really apply to vulgarity or profanity in general. 1. How does it feel when someone says it to you? 2. Is there any way the f-word can build others up? 3. Does it ever benefit those who hear it? In Colossians 4:6 (ESV) the apostle Paul says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Finally, the most well known instruction regarding what we would call swearing comes from the fourth of God’s commandments, “You shall not take the name of the Lord, your God, in vain.”

So circling back to that bar of Lava, why can I still taste it? Well, probably because I still haven’t learned my lesson. A bad golf shot might be followed by an under the breath s***. Disagreement with a politician might cause the proclamation the he or she is just a dumb a**. And yes, I will admit to dropping the f word from time to time. It is usually followed by a rush of guilt and a “sorry Lord, I failed again, please forgive me.”

Guys, it’s not OK. We need to be men of integrity, men of faith, men of conviction, men of character. We are called to be leaders of men, leaders of our family, leaders in whatever work we do, leaders in our community. No matter what we might think, accepting the role of a leader means people are watching us and listening to us. I will guarantee you the absence of profanity, vulgarity and swearing in your language will draw much more attention than the use of it ever will.

One final suggestion, go out and buy yourself a bar of Lava. Sit it on your bathroom counter or your desk. You can also simply clip a photo of it off the Internet and keep it on your phone. Every time you catch yourself slipping and using questionable language, take a good look at the soap and remember old Doug E Fresh’s description of what it was like to get a mouth full of it. More importantly may it be a reminder that your tongue is the strongest organ in your body and how you use it will always give others a lasting impression of your character.