Maybe the Most Important Four Steps You Will Ever Take

Sunday June 19, 2022 was an epic day for me. First, I celebrated the 46th anniversary of my marriage to an incredible woman. In today’s world of throw away marriages, 46 years is very unusual and I get asked all the time, “what is your secret?” Well, when looking for an anniversary card I may have stumbled across the secret – mind you, 46 years down the road. The card I selected speaks about “looking in the same direction.” Sounds simple enough but how many times have I really thought about the success of our marriage in those terms? Oh, I know I have made statements about the two of us “being on the same page” or being “joined at the hip” but I have never considered the need to be “looking in the same direction.” That is what we have done for 46 years without really thinking about it and it is what we continue to do as we aim to finish well. It isn’t easy and cannot be done without first looking to the Father for guidance. Without God’s blessing we are in for a rough time of it. For those of you who have followed this blog for any amount of time you know my theme for it is “God, Love, Life, Lessons” and it is my desire to share my life experiences with you to hopefully help you avoid the mistakes I have made and to maybe share some wisdom gleaned from stubbing my toe repeatedly during my 68 years on this earth. So here is my first piece of wisdom for this post, if you are married, no matter how long you have been married, stop for a minute and ask yourself a very simple question. “Are we looking in the same direction and if not how can we correct it?” Looking back on our 46 years together, we weren’t always looking in the same direction, almost always due to my stubbornness, my refusal to listen, my selfishness, my self-importance. Those were the times when we struggled. Those were the times I was not a good husband, father or leader of my business. It wasn’t until I gave my life to the Lord that I began to realize how the mistakes I made, primarily from looking in a different direction than Terrie, impacted the people I loved the most, specifically my wife and sons. When I finally realized the need to humble myself and align my vision with Terrie, it was almost too late. Without her love, patience and guidance I would have never opened my eyes to see how I was failing her and our family. Don’t let that happen to you. Always, always, take time to ask yourself, “are we looking in the same direction?” Then ask your wife or husband the same question. If you aren’t aligned, it’s time to figure out why and start making some mid-course corrections. I want to emphasize the “looking in the same direction” is not a fail safe plan. What I have learned over 46 years is, unless you first look to God to learn the proper direction to look toward, you might be looking together down the wrong path

But there is another reason why June 19th was an “epic” day for me. It was Father’s Day and I had the privilege of watching my sons celebrate Father’s Day with their children. Part of our celebration involved attending church. Our church works through themed series based on specific subjects and the service was the last in a series titled “When You Know You Know” and of course the emphasis was on fathers. One of the members of the Pastoral staff, Jesse DeYoung, delivered the message and knocked it out of the park. In today’s world, it is popular to blame just about every problem associated with culture, economics, politics, religion, etc., etc., on men. We are villinized, probably for good reason in many cases. Many times we have ignored our duty to lead and encourage our children. Instead, when we do take time to be with them, we frustrate them and fail to lift them up. In Ephesians 6:4 the Bible says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Some of the criticism aimed at men and Fathers in particular is self-fulfilling. We have heard it so many times we believe it ourselves. Well it’s time we change the narrative and it begins with how we father our children. Pastor DeYoung laid it all out by admonishing fathers to bless their children constantly. His road map for doing that involves four steps. First is Action. Do something with your children. Show them you care by giving them your time. It doesn’t always need to be hours and hours of time. In the Podcast, “Dad Tired’, Jarred Lopez talks about how these times of action can be snippets of 15 seconds or less. It can be a pat on the shoulder, simply saying something positive in support of them, a nod of approval. Next is affirmation. Tell them you are proud of them. Show them you support them. Affirmation is followed by vision. Paint a picture for them of what their life can be like based on what you see in them and what you see God has created them to be. Encourage them to find their passion and pursue it. Focus on their attributes and what you see is possible for them. The last step is prayer. Prayer to thank God for your children and for their mother. Prayer to ask God to show you the path to being the father He wants you to be. Prayer that your children will accept your blessings and that they get their identity from what you say is true about how God has created them. Blessing your children in this way will have an incredible, positive impact as they grow into adults. Blessing your children this way will have generational impact as you set the table for them to recognize the need to do the same with their children.

As I have mentioned several times in this blog, I was blessed with a wonderful, loving father. Yes, he spent the majority of the day at work and yes, he spent time with his buddies on the golf course on the weekends. However, he always found time to bless us even though he probably didn’t think about it in those terms. Being a great father was in his nature and 62 years of marriage to my mother proved it. He provided a enviable model for me to follow and even though I didn’t see it when I first became a Dad, thanks to a patient, nurturing wife I finally began to realize what being a father is really all about. I can only hope that despite my early failures, at the end of my time here on earth my sons will say I blessed them the way my father blessed me and in the way Jesse laid out in his address.

So it’s time men. It’s time to change the narrative. It’s time to shut down the dribble coming out of the mouths of those who would denigrate the role God created men to fill. It’s time to make sure you are looking in the same direction as your wife. It’s time to follow those four steps and make blessing your children a priority. It’s time to show the world that Godly, strong, manly men still exist and that those men are great fathers. Despite what the world would have you believe, being a real man and more importantly a real father and husband is honorable, it is admirable and it is what God created you to be. We are warriors, we are sustainers, we are defenders, we are hunters, we are fathers, we are Promise Keepers, we are men and that is good!