I am pretty convinced that although we are all created in the image of God, we do not emerge from the womb with an immediate concern for others and how our life might impact them. No, on the contrary, our initial thoughts and yearnings are all about us and our minute by minute needs. As we grow and become aware of ourselves those yearnings – needs, become augmented through our self-awareness. From there it seems to encircle everything we do – our need for self-fulfillment. Our need for self-sustainability. Our need to define and determine our own success.
It seems like so much of what we do during our adolescent/teen years is structured to push the idea of self-achievement and to drive home society’s definition of success. I’m not saying that is bad. We don’t want to grow up to be takers rather than givers and builders. However, as most of us finally come to realize, personal success is rarely the ultimate satisfier. We hit our goals and find out that it just isn’t quite enough to keep us satisfied. So off we go again, setting new self-invented standards for our definition of success, standards that once we reach them will surely bring an end to our dissatisfaction. But then we realize we still aren’t satisfied and the cycle begins again. I can’t tell you how many “successful” men I know who have spent the second half of their life trying to repeat their initial success to again prove their worth – primarily to themselves. Some of those men never reach their definition of success because they are chasing the wrong thing. They are chasing something that will never satisfy them. They talk themselves into the idea they are doing it for their family when they have never taken time to ask their family want the family wants for or from them.
In a recent message, one of our church’s Pastors, Jesse DeYoung, made a statement that should help us get off the “success” treadmill and redefine what success can truly mean. He said, “The key to success is making sure your life matters to someone else. Success is not bad, it’s just not enough to build your life on.” I have never really thought about it in those terms. Part of our drive for success is tied to the need to be appreciated and admired by others but that is far different than “making sure our life matters to someone else.” Furthermore, Jesse is not talking about material needs such as “mattering” as a provider of a pay check or providing a roof over one’s head. The type of “matter” he is referring to is not temporary like most of our successes are. The type of “matter” he addressed goes way deeper and is far more satisfying than any trophies we receive, any pay raise we earn, or any public recognition assigned to our achievements.
Jesse’s statement spurred me to evaluate my goal of “taking the success I achieved in the first half of my life and turning it into significance in the second half of my life.” Does the “significance” I am aiming for translate into living a life that ultimately matters to someone else? Needless to say, I have never really thought about it in those terms. We have all heard the adage that there are two dates on a headstone, one for the start of the life and one for the end of the life, neither of which really matters much. What really matters is what happened in between – what does the dash represent? Is that where we have the opportunity to create significance that will matter to someone else. And if that is so, what does that “matter” really look like?
Let’s go back to the subject of self-determined success. When I retired at the relatively young age of 58 I thought that what I had achieved mattered to a lot of people, besides my wife and sons. I had been placed in leadership positions in several industry related groups, sat in advisory positions with CEOs of major corporations involved in our business, built relationships with leaders in our industry from all over the country and most importantly hoped that I earned the respect of my business partner and my employees. What I learned very quickly is most of what I thought would matter long term faded away very quickly. Those things might have seemed significant to me but I only mattered to the CEO’s as long as I was behind the purchase orders landing on their sales desks. I only mattered to the industry groups as long as I was volunteering my time to work for the benefit of everyone involved. And with very few exceptions, the friendships I thought I had built throughout the industry became dust in the wind once I stepped away. My relationship with those people no longer mattered to them. It was past history. Conversely, this experience provides some insight into how your life might in fact “matter to someone else.” It also points out that this “mattering” thing can be a two way street. I mentioned that the friendships I thought I had built went away with a few exceptions. Yes, twenty years later there are people from my years in business who I still consider close friends. Their lives, their friendship, not their success, matter to me. I can’t imagine that happens unless our lives “matter” to each other. From time to time I still run into some of the guys who worked for our company. It is always a time of great joy for me and I revel in a quick embrace with them which I hope shows them how it is their life, not what they did for my company, that matters to me the most. The same is true for my business partner. His life matters to me and I hope he looks at me the same way.
I could probably write for days on this subject but true to the theme of this blog I will yield to what I believe is the real lesson here. That lesson is, first we must understand that before anyone or anything else our life matters to God. It is only through him and the life and death of Jesus that we have life to begin with. Second, we could never, without God, hope to lead a life that matters to anyone but ourselves. It is through our success at “mattering to someone else” that others will see the freedom and joy that living our life for God can bring. It is the “abundant” life God promises us. In 1 Corinthians 2:9 the Bible says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” Isn’t that what we should want for those our life touches. That is how we can make our life matter to someone else. Isn’t that a definition of success that will actually satisfy that yearning in our soul?
So from now on, in the mentoring I get to do, when I have the opportunity to serve on a ministry board, when I talk to one of my old business friends on the phone or tee it up with one of my friends, and in everything I do with my wife, sons, daughters-in-law and granddaughters I will try to remember what is most important. Does my life somehow matter to them and will it still matter when I am gone. Most importantly, if it matters, is that “mattering” built on how I model my relationship with Jesus?
Doug's Journey 