We all know there is no stopping time. No matter what we do it is going to advance and we are going to age right along with it.
I just turned 73, ouch! But the more I think about it, it’s really not so bad. In fact, I feel really blessed to be here. We have heard the adage that it is simply a number and it is really all about attitude and the older I get, the more I want to embrace that little tidbit of wisdom.
There are writers who will tell you that your 60s are your best decade and your 70s is your second best decade. Now, I have no idea what they are basing that on other than personal experience and if that is the case it sounds a little self-serving. However, in my experience that statement is true. Every new decade of age provides an opportunity to learn more, to grow more and to enjoy more. It is kind of like building an upside down pyramid. You start with a pretty narrow focus and a lack of experience so the base is very narrow and not well balanced. As the decades go on, due to added experience, maturity and broadened focus, the structure becomes wider and wider and the hope is you have done the things that allow your life to find the balance that keeps the upside down pyramid from tipping over.
Thinking back on my 20s, life was a scramble. Our marriage was still new and we were not terribly mature. We bought our first house when I was 24 which added some stress. That same year I started a new job, about the same time I took on that new mortgage – more stress. Then at 25 our first child came along. More stress. By then I was really looking forward to my 30s because I thought things would smooth out a little. However, at age 29 son number 2 arrived. Now I really had a family to support. In addition, not long after my 30th birthday the company I was working for sold and I was faced with the prospect of needing to prove myself all over to new owners and bosses. At age 32 I decided I couldn’t work for the new owners of the company and resigned to start a new company along with my brother-in-law. Huh? I thought things were supposed to settle down a little in the decade of your 30s. The layers of that pyramid were getting wider and it certainly wasn’t very balanced. To say the least, it could have easily tipped over. Then, when I was 39, an even that had a profound impact on my life took place and has simplified things as I have grown older. In 1992 at a Promise Keepers conference in Boulder, Colorado I gave my life to Christ. Now, when I say simplified I don’t necessarily mean I escaped the trap of being a testosterone filled man with traditional male ambition. Giving control to Jesus doesn’t make you perfect – you are still human and He knows it. It did however give me a different sense of purpose and an understanding that when I messed up there was a guidebook I could use, The Bible, to get myself back on course. All of a sudden that upside down pyramid was no longer leaning to side.
As I moved through my 40s, the prospect of “obsolescence” began to creep into my thinking. Although I was still captain of my ship (the company I helped start) I watched as my industry changed and the new, younger lions started moving up through the ranks. The changes required proactive approaches to the business. Some worked, some didn’t but standing still would lead to losing market share and more importantly, reputation. I experienced the pressure of sending two sons to college. We became empty nesters which was OK because we had a great marriage and our relationship now included a shared faith in Jesus. On a side note, I watched as multiple friends went through the empty nester transition only to realize they had never spent enough time working on their marriage to put it in a position to survive what can be a really difficult transition. Most of them also missed acknowledging the reality that we have a loving and nurturing savior who loves us and cares for us no matter what we do. If you have ever experienced “blessed assurance,” you know what I mean. More layers to the pyramid but still balanced.
I actually looked forward to the decade of my 50s. Hey, didn’t being 50 mean you were finally a mature adult? That didn’t mean that all the challenges had been met. Paying attention to aging parents became more important. Continuing to guide a growing company was an integral part of my life. It was a time to start enjoying more travel with Terrie and to nurture friendships that existed outside of the business. Planning for a sustainable retirement started creeping into my thoughts. Like it or not, at the pace of today’s world, the prospect of “aging out” creates some anxiety. Was the pyramid starting to list to the side again? Not if I kept my focus on God. My 50s also presented some new opportunities. Sure, the success of the business was still critical to my financial security but there were aspects of being a business owner that carried far less importance. For almost 30 years, most of my friendships were derived from the business. Customers, vendors, employees, industry associates. There really had not been time to build real friendships. I learned that most of the “friendships” I had built really were not true friendships. Using the analogy of the pyramid, most of those relationships were the type that did cause the pyramid to lean a little. They weren’t well balanced. This became a stark reality when the business sold in my late 50s. With a few exceptions, mostly people who shared my faith, the “friends” went away when I was no longer useful to them in their own career. This can have a major impact on someone who has built their entire identity around what they do for a living. Build your identity on your ability to “succeed” and you are going to be sorely disappointed when it comes to an end. I can’t lie, I had some angst when the reality that I was no longer running the show sank in. But you know what? As those relationships resolved I began to see the pyramid return to balance because the friendships I built were not based on business but were based on a true, care and concern for one another. In addition, I was blessed that as my faith grew so did the reality that if I placed my identity only in my position as a business owner, I would ultimately fail and end up miserable when the show came to an end. The opportunities I alluded to can be discovered through some introspective examination of the previous decades of activity and then using the results of the retrospective evaluation to build the next layers of increasingly stable pyramid. Bottom line – while I don’t consider my 50s to be a time of great personal growth, it was an important time of preparation for making my 60s the best decade of my life.
My first thought when I turned 60 was, “oh no,” this isn’t good. However, the more I thought about it, the more I considered my circumstances, the more I realized God had opened up some doors that gave me the chance to make my 60s the best decade of my life. It was time to add several more layers to the width of the pyramid. First, at the age of 59, the company that bought mine retired me. That freed me up in my 60s to pursue new and exciting interests. I also had an incredible wife who after 40 years as my primary supporter encouraged me to explore new ventures, develop new friendships and to rely on my faith to carry me through, even when things weren’t going exactly the way I wanted. My sons were flourishing having started their own business and building it into a leader in their field. They established reputations as strong, Christian men of great integrity. They had married wonderful Christian women and started their own families. Another strong, balanced layer. The charitable family foundation we had started in my 50s was making a difference with the organizations we supported and had become a significant part of my life. We had time to travel and see places we had always wanted to go to. I know, it sounds like everything was perfect but there were a couple of hiccups along the way. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer shortly after I turned 60. Thanks to the good Lord the problem was discovered early and treatment was short and fairly easy. Not long after the prostate cancer issue I went through a little bought with melanoma. Again, it was an early diagnosis and thanks to a really good surgeon it was a low impact event. The best part was, through those experiences the pyramid never tilted. My faith provided me with the comfort that Gods love would never waver. The Holy Spirit continued to lead me to new opportunities and gave me a boldness I never had before. I could make decisions without the need to consider potential consequences for my business or the way others might view what I was doing. Instead the primary criteria I used was what sort of Kingdom impact my actions might result in. Of great importance and definitely worth noting is the Bible study I joined a little over 5 years ago. This has been yet another strong, balanced layer to the pyramid I was building. The group of men who lead and attend the study are now among my best friends and the time with them each week is an important priority for me. On any given Wednesday there will be between 10 and 18 men around the table sharing our collective interest in learning more about what Gods word and the impact it has on our lives. Statistics show that the average retired male has 1.5 friends. Sadly they don’t have friends like the ones I have found through the study. I can tell you I would not hesitate to get in a fox hole with any or all of those guys. There is so much more I could tell you about my 60s and why it has been the best decade of my life but that might take several more pages, pages you would probably not want to endure.
So now I am in my 70s. Thanks to the encouragement of my loving wife I have taken pretty good care of myself and been proactive toward my health. As a result I can still enjoy physical activities and playing with my granddaughters. I still have all my original parts which given some of the things I have done is an accomplishment. The pyramid has become much wider than I could ever have imagined and yet it is balancing on that very narrow point I stated with. I hear some people say “the 70s are the new 50s” or something like that. I know they are trying to talk themselves into believing they can still do the same things they could do when they were 50 but they are fibbing to themselves. There is no doubt things have change but it is true that much of it is attitude. If you believe you are old and and falling apart then you will probably start doing exactly that – and your pyramid is going to begin to tip over. On the other hand if you believe as I do that your 70s can be as good as your 60s then as we said in the 60s, “keep on keepin on.” I have no idea what God has in store for me in the time I have left but I do know it is going to be an adventure and it is going to be good. I also know that as long as I lean on Him, my pyramid will continue to grow, layer by layer and will always be balanced.
